Photo by: Ben White

I used to play really competitive softball, and every weekend during the winter we would go to this giant factory and practice. Usually small drills, basic batting practice, and fitness – we didn’t have a huge amount of space.

One day my coach called me in for batting practice, and he told me we were going to learn something new – a slap bunt. If you’re not familiar with baseball or softball terminology, for the purposes of this article it really doesn’t matter what it is, but basically you pretend like you’re going to bunt, it tricks the players on the team to creep in, and then at the last second you pull back and slap it past them. Slap bunt. Simple.

So I step into the batting cage, thinking “I’ve got this.” And let me tell you, that I did not have it. I think I missed every single pitch. I was frustrated. I felt stupid, weak and ashamed. I think I began to cry and threw a mini tantrum at how “bad” I was. I walked out of the batting cage completely defeated. My coach at the time Roger – we called him the baseball buddha because he was both incredibly wise, but also he had a bit of a buddha belly – called me over, put his arm around me and said “So uh, what’s up kiddo?”

 I choked back tears as I told him how frustrated I was.

How mad I was that I wasn’t doing well, and how stupid slap bunting was. He chuckled and he said “Melissa, you know this is your first time doing that right…? You didn’t think you would walk in there and be an expert did you?”

Actually, I did. I was impatient then, and I am impatient now.

He turned so he was facing me, and with his hand on my shoulder he said, “Rome wasn’t built in a day… have you ever heard that before?”

I shook my head no.

“Rome, one of the most beautiful, culturally rich cities in the world – do you think it was built in a day? NO! It took years – maybe hundreds. That amazing city, did not come up over night. And neither will you. Be patient, and over time, with persistent effort, just like Rome you will flourish.”

I don’t know if those were his exact words – this was 10 years ago, but it happened something like that.

 This was one of the most profound moments of my whole life.

I am impatient by my very nature, and I would bet that many of us are. Despite my meditation and yoga practice, I will not sit on a pedestal and pretend that I am some eternally blissful, mindful guru who does not feel the wrath of their impatience on a daily basis. It is almost always a battle, and I almost never go at it alone. I struggle with this in almost every area of my life, but I am learning along this journey we call life, how to navigate my impatience. Here’s what I’ve learned:

5 Steps to Cultivating Patience and Harnessing Your Inner Wisdom:

Pay Attention

Bringing awareness to impatience is always the first step. It’s really the first step to anything and everything that you are trying to conquer or accomplish in your life. Take a moment, and breath, and choose awareness. This is simple, not easy.

Pay attention to what it is you’re feeling impatient or frustrated about. Is it affecting you on a physical, mental, emotional, psychological level? Sit with these feelings and emotions, and allow the impatience and frustration to become clear.

Confide In Someone

I often have a conversation with my husband about whatever it is that is bothering me, and talk out my impatience and frustration. Maybe you have a husband, friend, sister, or even a journal that you could use to support you. Sometimes I even talk out loud – I find this helps! It can also help to bring clarity to your situation, maybe they ask you a question that you didn’t think of.

Note: I love my husband and he is so wonderful, but whenever we talk about my impatience or frustrations, he tends to hit me with some hard truths and I make him bad and wrong. I then shift my frustration from whatever it was, to him. Notice this. It’s ok if you get frustrated with the person who is talking with you, but don’t make them wrong if they hit you with some difficult truths about yourself or a situation. This is just another thing you get to pay attention to – YAY for paying attention!

Acknowledge your Humanity

You are a human being, and of course you are going to feel impatient! You feel the whole spectrum of human emotions, so congratulations on being impatient, you are completely normal! Have a little compassion for yourself. Sharing with others also may help you with acknowledging your humanity. Whenever i’m feeling impatient or frustrated, having a conversation with someone about it usually reveals that they too are feeling similar feelings and I don’t feel so alone in this big world.

Determine Whether to Take Action, or Non-Action

The first thing you need to know is that non-action, is actually an action, and sometimes this is what is best in certain situations. For example – if you are a weight lifter, and you’re trying to hit your PR, or a yogi who is trying to “get” a certain pose, sometimes practicing that pose, or that lift over and over and over is actually more detrimental than giving yourself rest.

Use that awareness we talked about earlier, and listen to your body, mind, and emotions to determine if action or non-action is best.

Surrender

Once you have determined whether action or non-action is best, all that’s left to do is surrender. Surrender to the process my friends, and follow that inner wisdom. The best things in life take time, and if there is something out there in this big, delicious world that you want, if it is worth it, it will take you time. Surrender to time, an be present on every step of your journey.

Sometimes the subtle cues from our body, mind, and intuition are drowned out by the noise in our heads or from the rest of the world telling us what we “should” be doing “by when.” When we begin to look inward, through practice and over time we can learn to pick up on those subtle cues. Once we have cultivated the ability to notice these cues, all we need to do is honour them through the appropriate action or non-action.

All of this sounds incredibly simple – and it is – it’s just that simple and easy are not the same thing. This process is simple, but it is hard. I have absolutely not mastered it, and so I sit here behind my computer on this journey with you, not above you preaching from my high horse.

Today I was reminded that life is a process; a constant practice. There is no destination, rather a beautiful and tumultuous journey that we are all on together. All we can ever do is be present with our current circumstances, and use the wisdom that exists within all of us to continue moving forward.