Who decided that going out to a bar, spending a hundred dollars on drinks, cabs and drunk food, going home late, and being hung-over for two days was a good time? First of all – it’s expensive, second of all, it’s bad for you, and third – you probably don’t remember half of it anyways.
I’m not perfect. Far from it. I did all those things, many times. I pretty much can’t remember my first year of university (kidding, but not really). I remember questioning this cultural norm several times in university.. I remember thinking “I feel terrible during and after these nights. I don’t like drinking that much and I’m paying a lot of money to actually deteriorate my health – Why am I doing this?”
I will give you the honest truth: Because everyone else was doing it. All my friends. And trust me, I have, and still occasionally suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out) – which is a real thing by the way – so I just went with it. I didn’t want to miss out on those fun nights and inside jokes, and I was way to insecure back then to set foot in a bar sober.
But really, where did the cultural normalcy of getting drunk beyond recognition come from?
Well, in an effort to find out, I googled it – as I do everything – and I figured I would be all scholarly because that’s the other thing I learned in university right? How to binge drink, and how to find information from credible sources. So this next part is legit because it’s from a peer reviewed journal ok?
So, an article in the International Journal of Qualitative Studies on Health and Well-being interviewed 27 people in a bunch of different focus groups with the hope of identifying the cultural norms for alcohol use in Denmark. They narrowed it down to two main factors – acceptance and expectance. Alcohol use is accepted and above all it is expected at social gatherings – just as it was, and continues to be for myself and my friends. Every time we set out to have a good time, there was booze involved. Every time we went to a club there were booze involved. Every time we hang out now we’re all like “shit, I guess we should be drinking..?” It feels kinda weird if we’re not
It’s so programmed into us!
I want to question and challenge our social idea’s of what we consider to be “normal” and have you question your actions as well. I can’t tell you how many nights in university I went out, drank because everyone else was, and had to come home early because I was throwing up, or crying. I was “that girl.” Gross! Then the next morning my friends and I would all sit around our table, or worse – hung-over eating greasy all you can eat breakfast from Golden Griddle – regaling in stories of the previous night, all of us feeling like complete shit! Writing about it makes me want to gag a little.
So many times when I didn’t even want to drink, and I did. How ridiculous is that?
Now I’m not saying that people should never have a glass of wine, or their favourite cocktail or beer – I love a good glass of red wine… or 4 – but maybe we ought to look at our intentions behind drinking. I’m all about the intentions if you haven’t already noticed! What if drinking, rather than being a habitual act that we do because “everyone else is doing it” or because it is what’s expected, or because there is wine on the table at the Christmas table and shit is getting real at Grandma’s… what if drinking was something we mindfully chose?
I can’t tell you the last time I got what my friends and I used to refer to as “wastey pants.” I really can’t. I don’t know if I consciously said to myself “I am going to view drinking as a mindfulness practice.” In fact I’m positive I didn’t, because that seems like a straight up weird thing to say. But as my practice evolved, as I became vegan, paying attention to my body became a natural consequence. So drinking until the point of being “wastey pants” doesn’t serve me anymore. I have a few glasses of wine every now and then.
SO LET ME TELL YOU WHAT MY FRIENDS AND I DO NOW
We started this thing we call “Zen Fridays.” I live in a small apartment in the middle of Toronto, and every Friday they come over, we chat, eat new healthy treats (usually vegan because bless them they accommodate me), do some mindfulness meditation, and sometimes some gentle yoga. It’s the bomb! The best part is, we actually talk. Imagine that? About real, meaningful things. Get to know what’s going on in one another’s lives. We support each other through anxiety, stress and the ridiculousness of life. We’ve begun to cultivate these nourishing relationships with one another, that drowning ourselves in booze just couldn’t fulfil. It’s so amazing, honestly.
And every now and then we get together, have some drinks and food and party like it’s 1999, (except in reality I was 9, in 1999 so how well was I really partying)?
So what if we redefined our girls night – or any night for that matter? What if going out with your friends was more about the quality of your interactions with them, rather than how many beers you could throw back in one night? Ask yourself what kind of relationships you want to cultivate. Ask yourself if your actions are in alignment with your values.
And there is NOTHING wrong with partying, getting wastey pants, and eating hang-over breakfast at Golden Griddle – I also want to make that clear. If that is in alignment with your values, and that is what you chose, I think that’s awesome and I applaud you for sticking to it. But if it isn’t in alignment with what you want, you values, or your goals I encourage you to make a shift.
Well thanks for listening to my rant peeps! Stay tuned for more great stuff on girls night activities, and for some inside info on the zen den!
